WHAT I DIDN’T EXPECT TO LEARN AS A NEW COACH

Blog by Sameer Kaiwar

When I began learning professional coaching, I assumed the challenge would be acquiring new skills.

·      Learning to ask better questions.

·      Understanding the coaching process.

·      Remembering what to do and when.

That certainly mattered. What I didn’t see coming was something else altogether.

Coaching wasn’t just asking me to learn. It was asking me to unlearn.

Habits that had helped me through years of leadership suddenly needed to be examined. Some even needed to be left behind.

That surprised me. Here are a few things I didn’t expect to learn.

LISTENING IS HARDER THAN IT LOOKS

I’ve always thought of myself as a good listener.

After all, I didn’t interrupt people. I paid attention. I remembered what they said.

Coaching showed me that wasn’t enough.

Real listening isn’t simply waiting while someone else speaks. It’s quietening the voice in your own head. The one that’s already analysing, judging, connecting dots or preparing the next question.

That voice is busy.

Learning to quieten it has probably been one of the hardest parts of becoming a coach. I’m still working on it.

SILENCE ISN’T EMPTY

Silence used to make me uncomfortable.

A few seconds would pass and I’d feel an urge to ask another question or say something encouraging.

Now I’ve begun to see silence differently.

People don’t always think at the same speed they speak. Sometimes they’re making sense of something for the very first time. If I rush in, I interrupt that process.

I’ve realised that some of the most important work in coaching happens when nobody is talking.

EXPERIENCE CAN GET IN THE WAY

For years I believed experience was one of my biggest strengths.

In many situations, it still is.

But coaching has taught me that experience comes with a hidden risk.

It whispers, I’ve seen this before.

And once that thought appears, it’s very easy to start predicting, advising or nudging the conversation in a direction that makes sense to us.

The client doesn’t need my answers. The client needs room to discover their own.

That shift sounds simple. It isn’t.

PRESENCE BEATS PERFECT QUESTIONS

Like many new coaches, I collected good coaching questions.

Some were beautifully worded.

I don’t think clients remembered any of them.

What they seem to remember is something much simpler.

·      That someone was fully present.

·      Someone listened without hurrying them.

·      Someone stayed curious.

I’ve slowly come to believe that presence is more powerful than cleverness.

EVERY CONVERSATION TEACHES THE COACH

I expected clients to learn something about themselves.

I didn’t expect to learn so much about myself.

Every conversation shows me another assumption I was carrying.

Another moment where I nearly jumped in too early.

Another reminder that coaching is less about doing and more about being.

The more I learn about coaching, the less certain I become that I’ve figured it out.

Oddly enough, I find that reassuring.

Perhaps that’s what keeps the work alive.

Professional coaching is often described as helping others discover their own answers.

For me, it has become something more: It’s a gentle reminder that the coach is also a learner. Maybe always will be.