Being naturally cautious, I’ve always tended to make decisions conservatively, aiming for the ‘safe’ middle ground. While this approach served me well for the most part, it led me to a stage in my worklife where I was frustrated and completely stuck. Flashback to 2019 and a high-point of my HR career – despite my role as part of the global leadership team, I found myself feeling burnt-out and dissatisfied with my corporate position. I was staying on in the role, for reasons that seemed obvious at the time – career advancement, financial stability, and leadership status. Yet a persistent inner voice was telling me I needed something more – work that was fulfilling and with opportunities for growth, both personal and professional.

Enter Fear-Setting:

It was at this pivotal point, while I was agonizing over my choices (or lack thereof), that I discovered the concept of “Fear-Setting,” popularized by Tim Ferris, a best-selling author and lifehacker. Ferris outlines this technique in a TED talk as a simple three-step process for navigating daunting choices or situations.

Step one: Acknowledge the fears that cloud judgment when faced with uncertainty. Create a simple three-column table: define potential negative outcomes, brainstorm preventive actions, and consider strategies for damage control if those outcomes occur.

What if I…?

Define	Prevent	Repair
Lose job – no alternative role	Identify key roles matching skills & aspirations. Leverage support from mentors to pitch for alternative roles with boss	Reach out to internal or external mentors/advisors outside the function and company to plan fallback roles
…	…	….

Step two: In another table, list the potential benefits of pursuing the chosen course of action, envisioning success over the short to long term across various dimensions such as financial, physical, emotional, career, relationships, and personal development.

What might the Benefits of an Attempt or Partial Success?

(emotional, physical, mental, financial, career)

3 months	1 year	3 years
Increased motivation & engagement at work	New learning & personal development	Added functional & business skills
…	…	….

Step three: Quantify the “cost of inaction,” listing the negative impacts of maintaining the status quo over short, medium, and long terms. Often, the cost of inaction far outweighs the perceived risks of making a change.

What would be the Cost of Inaction?

(emotional, physical, mental, financial, career)

3 months	1 year	3 years
Burn-out or emotional breakdown	Negative spiral in personal relationships	Limited personal & professional learning & skills
…	…	….

The process can be immensely clarifying and insightful, in terms of picking the course of action right for you.  A caveat: Fear-setting is not intended to be a universal solution to justify change for the sake of change. The fears that you have are often very real, and not unfounded. However, by examining them more closely, you can validate what’s true, versus what could be exaggerated in your mind, and perhaps holding you back. Fear-setting is a powerful aid to grounding your fears, and doing so makes them less amorphous and daunting – this can dramatically improve your ability to make informed and better decisions.

Reflecting on my own experience, I recall sitting down five years ago to conduct my first Fear-setting exercise. The realization of the costs of inaction was eye-opening. It propelled me to initiate candid discussions with my boss and mentors, ultimately leading to a new role over the next two months. Though it meant stepping away from the core leadership team, it offered a blend of talent management and consulting that brought me significant fulfilment. And most importantly – it gave me the chance to be directly involved with our internal leadership coaching program, which helped me make the next orbital shift in my career trajectory.

“Everything you want is on the other side of Fear” Fear-setting has since become a regular part of my reflection routine, empowering me to make key decisions with agency and fulfilment. As a coach, I’ve integrated this framework into my practice, helping clients break free from comfort zones and make progress toward their goals.

Fear-setting transcends mere acknowledgment of fears; it empowers individuals to confront them and take control of their lives. As a coach it can enable you and your clients to overcome perceived limitations and pursue aspirations with courage and clarity, leveraging fear as a catalyst for growth.

And for me, it brings to life one of my favourite quotations:

“Everything you want is on the other side of Fear”.

I would love to see it work for you too.

You can connect with Raj Dharmaraj Click Here

“Talk to yourself once in a day, otherwise you may miss meeting an excellent person in this world.” – Swami Vivekananda

When the invite to write a blog from Suba reached me a few days back, I considered whether to accept or reject it.   I was anxious, unsure whether I could complete this ‘action’ within the desirable time limit.  There was a conversation happening within my mind.  This inner conversation made me reflect and see the complexities involved in such a conversation.

Based on my three decades of multiple industry experience in different functions and my coaching experience, I have synthesized a few insights, which I am sharing – that could be useful – to my fellow coaches or non-coaches.

What is an inner conversation?  What do we need to do for a meaningful Inner conversation?   

I realized that an Inner conversation is a transforming experience.  In the process, the mind attempts to

•           Ascertain what is ‘true’ knowledge – discerning facts from lies

•           Understand new ideas, and

•           Understand the nature of the inquirer

Another exciting perspective while going through this experience was an insight that the appreciation of and understanding of inner conversation happening within one’s Self is imperative to build a sense of higher awareness.

I further learned that appreciation of inner conversation and understanding its nuances helps an individual develop a reflective, conscientious mind.  Such a mind can create an imaginative vision and make contextual decisions more effectively and harmoniously.  However, another question popped up  – How do we know we have a ‘reflective mindset’?

Post-Covid, I was working on developing a new learning process – ‘Reflective Learning”, and hence synthesized six elements to identify whether one has a reflective mind. An affirmative response to the following questions could help identify this.   

On a 10-point scale,  lower the score,  lower the reflective mindset.

1. Am I sensitive? – Do I have the ability of keen observation and active listening skills
2. Can I understand my Self and others?-  Do I accept and own up my actions and behaviour even in adverse situations?
3. Can I realise what is reality(not getting confused with the make-to-believe situations ? – a mindset to experiment, be inquisitive, and be innovative?
4. Do I have the ability to appreciate the feelings of Self and others with a sense of happiness?
5. Am I resilient? – Can I bounce back from failures, while continue upgrading my ability to seek and learn
6. Can I be vulnerable with a mindset to accept and own up  failures

While experimenting with the process, I found that we mainly use very loose meaning for ‘reflection’.  A profoundly reflective mind can have a higher self-awareness through effective inner conversation.

I further realized that it is impossible to think with a closed mind.  There are two types of conversation – Competitive  and Collaborative. In the former, people are more concerned about their perspective, whereas, in the later people are interested in the perspective of everyone involved.  In both types of  conversations, I realized the following characteristics exist:

•           Mutuality

•           Equality to express divergent views

•           External perspective

Therefore, the first step towards building a growth mindset is to initiate a meaningful conversation within so that you will be ready for an external conversation.  It is a conversation within a conversation.

How can we make the inner conversation more meaningful?

Do accept and appreciate the reality – move away from illusions/façade or self-pretention.

We always interplay between two opposing tendencies -the up-going creative process (Pravrtti) and the down-going destructive process (Nivrtti).  When the perplexed mind does not know where the duty lies, the Self needs to listen only to the Inner conversation to find the answer. While doing so, let:

–          The differences arise; explore them

–          there be confusion; search for the underlying meaning

–          it not be in a hurry; Slow the pace of conversation – pace it with pauses

My take is that the coaching process starts with the Coach – be prepared to create a sacred space for the Client.  I also learned that a coaching conversation is a reflective process by the Client with himself, facilitated by the Coach.  Here, the coach helps the person navigate within the self and learn all the intricacies one may be unable to do.

It is an intricate and wonderful experience once we learn the art of inner conversation.  Using metaphors and visualisation processes could be very useful to dwell more.    I am sure that my fellow coaches also might have experienced this journey. Would love to learn and relearn.

You can connect with Baburaj Nair Click Here