Building Inner conversation

“Talk to yourself once in a day, otherwise you may miss meeting an excellent person in this world.” – Swami Vivekananda

When the invite to write a blog from Suba reached me a few days back, I considered whether to accept or reject it.   I was anxious, unsure whether I could complete this ‘action’ within the desirable time limit.  There was a conversation happening within my mind.  This inner conversation made me reflect and see the complexities involved in such a conversation.

Based on my three decades of multiple industry experience in different functions and my coaching experience, I have synthesized a few insights, which I am sharing – that could be useful – to my fellow coaches or non-coaches.

What is an inner conversation?  What do we need to do for a meaningful Inner conversation?   

I realized that an Inner conversation is a transforming experience.  In the process, the mind attempts to

•           Ascertain what is ‘true’ knowledge – discerning facts from lies

•           Understand new ideas, and

•           Understand the nature of the inquirer

Another exciting perspective while going through this experience was an insight that the appreciation of and understanding of inner conversation happening within one’s Self is imperative to build a sense of higher awareness.

I further learned that appreciation of inner conversation and understanding its nuances helps an individual develop a reflective, conscientious mind.  Such a mind can create an imaginative vision and make contextual decisions more effectively and harmoniously.  However, another question popped up  – How do we know we have a ‘reflective mindset’?

Post-Covid, I was working on developing a new learning process – ‘Reflective Learning”, and hence synthesized six elements to identify whether one has a reflective mind. An affirmative response to the following questions could help identify this.   

On a 10-point scale,  lower the score,  lower the reflective mindset.

1. Am I sensitive? – Do I have the ability of keen observation and active listening skills
2. Can I understand my Self and others?-  Do I accept and own up my actions and behaviour even in adverse situations?
3. Can I realise what is reality(not getting confused with the make-to-believe situations ? – a mindset to experiment, be inquisitive, and be innovative?
4. Do I have the ability to appreciate the feelings of Self and others with a sense of happiness?
5. Am I resilient? – Can I bounce back from failures, while continue upgrading my ability to seek and learn
6. Can I be vulnerable with a mindset to accept and own up  failures

While experimenting with the process, I found that we mainly use very loose meaning for ‘reflection’.  A profoundly reflective mind can have a higher self-awareness through effective inner conversation.

I further realized that it is impossible to think with a closed mind.  There are two types of conversation – Competitive  and Collaborative. In the former, people are more concerned about their perspective, whereas, in the later people are interested in the perspective of everyone involved.  In both types of  conversations, I realized the following characteristics exist:

•           Mutuality

•           Equality to express divergent views

•           External perspective

Therefore, the first step towards building a growth mindset is to initiate a meaningful conversation within so that you will be ready for an external conversation.  It is a conversation within a conversation.

How can we make the inner conversation more meaningful?

Do accept and appreciate the reality – move away from illusions/façade or self-pretention.

We always interplay between two opposing tendencies -the up-going creative process (Pravrtti) and the down-going destructive process (Nivrtti).  When the perplexed mind does not know where the duty lies, the Self needs to listen only to the Inner conversation to find the answer. While doing so, let:

–          The differences arise; explore them

–          there be confusion; search for the underlying meaning

–          it not be in a hurry; Slow the pace of conversation – pace it with pauses

My take is that the coaching process starts with the Coach – be prepared to create a sacred space for the Client.  I also learned that a coaching conversation is a reflective process by the Client with himself, facilitated by the Coach.  Here, the coach helps the person navigate within the self and learn all the intricacies one may be unable to do.

It is an intricate and wonderful experience once we learn the art of inner conversation.  Using metaphors and visualisation processes could be very useful to dwell more.    I am sure that my fellow coaches also might have experienced this journey. Would love to learn and relearn.

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