Only few years back did I learn that there are Coaches who don’t wear track suits and carry whistles and stopwatches. But two decades ago, I had the privilege of working closely with a mentor, who was also my lead and friend. He had a unique style of ‘leading with a Coaching mindset’. Reflecting upon his style, what stands out is the ‘Listening style’.

Listening with an intent to understand wholly, a demonstration of empathy, a strong desire for wanting to learn and understand my thought process, feeling, emotions, aspirations, apprehensions.

As a client, I have always felt him to be nonjudgmental, not hurrying to conclusions, clearly demonstrating an open intent and an open will to know me and embrace me as a whole.  His reactions, emotions, energy levels completely in sync with me as he listens deeply and resonates effortlessly.

His ego state which is an embodiment of his status, relative position, knowledge, behavior, mindset, mood having completely blurred, he had left the space open for mine to emerge slowly, expand, elevate and evolve.

What I felt he wanted to hear from me were

• My strengths and how I plan on using them to maximize my potential
• My apprehensions, roadblocks that I perceive and why I fear them
• how I feel about feeling stuck, lack of clarity and the progressively expanding voice of my innate urge to find a solution
• How would I celebrate my success if I had figured out a way to set a high goal for myself and achieved it

His short worded, powerful, well-placed questions continued to generate an urge in me to think deeply, structure well and respond, for he is genuinely listening. He continued to demonstrate that he has high hopes on my potential and abilities.

Some questions were like a rear-view mirror, referring back to past situations and instances but with an intent to steer forward.

• ‘During your first tandem skydive few years back, can you talk about the exact moment of jump, when you were just leaving the safety of the glider? ‘
• ‘What was your 30-60-90-day plan when you joined the other organization taking up a very difficult engagement invigorated to prove a point?’
• ‘Last year when you did a turnaround of an almost failed Legacy modernization program how did you visualize the plan of approach even before your got onboard, can you walk through?’
• ‘When Raghav was going through a crisis in career coupled with a family situation, he did tell me you helped him. Can you talk through on how you planned to help him wade through?’

While he unassumingly asks questions placing me in the pedestal and empathetically listening, I ended up listening to myself of my own strengths, abilities, and keys to deadlocks.

But how and why did I open up with ease even when I might have been under duress due to certain challenges and impasse?

It was all about Charismatic listening!!!

In addition to empathy, powerful questions, client centricity and growth mindset, the unquestionable passion, charisma which the leader exuded, made one want to think more, talk more. Discover the best side of oneself, identify the key to unravel their true potential. All driven by a positive urge to discover and present the best version of oneself, for there is someone charismatically listening.

As a Coach, how can I improve my listening skills and be a charismatic listener –

Active listening:  Deep listening with no interruptions, clear observations and absorption of words, feelings, emotions with empathy.

Demonstration of Trust and open will:  Taking time in pre-establishing Trust with the client is of paramount importance. Clearly demonstrating an open will in understanding and embracing the client as they are and an unquestionable commitment in client’s holistic development.

Non-verbal cues:  A friendly, passionate approach with a smile always works wonders. Appropriate gestures including eye contact, good open body language, variations in tone and pace. While demonstrating verbal, non-verbal cues, genuineness, sensibility and authenticity holds key.

Cultivate curiosity:  Genuine interest in knowing more about the client’s thoughts, feeling, experience, taking addition cue from certain keywords, emotions and what is even left half said. 

Strengths based approach and positive reinforcement: Unquestionable confidence in the client’s abilities and strengths and that they can chart a path of self efficacy through effective coaching.

“Charisma is not just about being charming or magnetic; it is about genuinely caring for others and making them feel important “

You can connect with Krishnaswamy S Click Here

I was reading the 1% rule post by Suba Lakshminarasimhan and started to reflect on it. This is my attempt to add to the discussion on Habit formation.

An active nonagenarian young man was finding it difficult to get up in the morning on some days and go for a walk. He would later tell his son that, he manages to make himself leave the comforts of the bed. To coax himself out of his comfort zone, He says to himself that his mind is playing tricks on his body. Once he gets up and breaks the inertia, he takes a brisk walk around the house.

His son also recounted one incident wherein he felt something snap in his feet while playing a game of tennis. He ignored it and continued playing till his feet swelled and he could not walk. At the hospital, it was found that he had suffered a minor fracture in his leg. The son mused that maybe an earlier intervention could have reduced some amount of discomfort.

Now both these incidents represent how we manage our awareness.

When we start a habit, like a fitness routine, the first day seems exciting or manageable. When we start experiencing pain, discomfort, or sometimes no visible changes, our lazy mind conjures all kinds of reasons to quit.

I find that delayed gratification is usually a culprit while forming new habits. Habits with immediate rewards are easier to pick up and condition, whereas, habits with delayed rewards are difficult to commit to and maintain. Also, the familiarity and comfort in an old routine assure us of getting results that are as expected.

So, what is the role of awareness in habit formation?

It helps the individual become self-aware of their current behaviors and the desired habits they wish to inculcate.

Cognitive control and response inhibition play important roles in new habit formation and their maintenance. Many of our ingrained habits are in response to specific cues. Response inhibition is important to consciously avoid getting back into the undesirable habits we are trying to change.

Research has shown that meditation and mindfulness help improve concentration and sustain attention. Along with these aspects, awareness encompasses self-introspection, reflection, etc. Broadly speaking, awareness is understanding our internal and external environment through our senses and emotions.

This awareness must be developed carefully. It must be nurtured with reinforcements, self-acknowledgments, and mindfulness. The awareness I speak is not the mind but that which minds the mind and the body.

This awareness helps the wise voice within us to be heard more loudly and helps us ignore the reactive or lazy voice to quieten a bit.

My previous example of the nonagenarian and his son are two constructs of our awareness. It can be wielded consciously to accomplish benefitting deeds or it can sometimes make us ignore the true happenings around and within us.

Awareness is the most essential weapon to develop while starting a new habit. I call it a weapon because, with awareness, we sometimes tend to completely ignore the most obvious happenings in the pursuit of the exotic.

I wish you all a powerful awareness, that can bring the transformation required and still caution you when required.

You can connect with Vanitha Senkurichi Click Here

In my coaching journey, I’ve discovered that the essence of coaching presence lies in the continual evolution of two fundamental skills: emotional regulation and objective awareness.

This blog is a reflection of a journey towards mastering the art of managing intense client emotions, recognizing and addressing own biases, and learning to maintain neutrality in diverse coaching situations. These are cultivated through dedicated practice and self-reflection. Together, they form the bedrock of effective coaching presence,

Embracing Objectivity in Coaching

Imagine coaching as a canvas, where objective awareness is the brush that paints observations free from personal judgments, ensuring coach biases do not color the picture. It’s a space that enables coaches to view the world through their clients’ lenses—connecting with their unique perceptions, values, and beliefs—untouched by their preconceptions, thus embracing objectivity.

This objectivity creates a profound shift, moving from letting go of the coaches’ own identities to truly embracing the multifaceted worlds of their clients. With each new client, a coach faces a mosaic of distinct values, perspectives, and life experiences, all intricately influencing the clients’ choices and paths. It requires a genuine connection with clients that goes beyond intellectual engagement, being fully present with them, and driven by genuine curiosity.

For example, a coach’s objectivity faces its greatest test when coaching someone familiar, like a friend. The challenge here is to maintain objectivity, as pre-existing relationships are often colored by deep understanding and potential biases. It’s crucial for the coach to put personal views aside and remain open and curious.

This balance—the care for a friend with the coach’s objectivity—requires a keen awareness of both conscious and unconscious biases. The focus should be on the friend’s current expressions, not on past perceptions, to encourage insights and self-discovery that reflect their values and goals.

The client’s journey to self-discovery is initiated by the coach’s curiosity regarding their values, and feelings, aiming to grasp the WHO of the client by exploring their core values, beliefs, and emotional landscape.

This connection fosters a meaningful coaching experience, revealing the client’s true self. Such an approach helps the client articulate and pursue goals that are aligned with who they truly are. It helps navigate the complexities of the existing relationship, ensuring the coaching experience remains impactful and true to the client’s agenda.

Emotional Regulation: The Anchor in the Storm

Building upon the foundation of objective awareness, a coach explores the realm of emotional regulation, serving as an anchor for both coach and client during turbulent emotional journeys. Seamlessly connected to the clarity provided by objective awareness, emotional regulation enables coaches to support clients with steadiness and empathy through their most challenging moments.

There are times when coaches face strong emotions from clients. A particularly poignant example occurred while I was working with a client dealing with both personal loss and the pursuit of professional advancement. The depth of their emotional turmoil was profound, yet the situation required not solutions but unwavering support from compassion. By holding space with calmness and offering a mirror for their emotions, we journeyed through this period of vulnerability. This approach fostered trust and safety, laying the groundwork for significant awareness and the emergence of valuable insights.

Many times, even experienced coaches may feel emotions triggered by unexpected revelations from a client. In such situations, it’s crucial for coaches to remain neutral. This may involve checking one’s objectivity and, if necessary, stepping back momentarily for introspection and to regain emotional clarity.

During this reflective pause, the coach must consider whether they can return to the session with a neutral and focused state or if it is imperative to temporarily suspend the coaching relationship. Recognizing that coaches are human and it is okay to be emotional. The key lies in being aware of one’s objectivity and taking the necessary steps to maintain it.

Emotional regulation fosters a confident approach, it aids in understanding the WHO of the client rather than being influenced by the coach’s conscious and unconscious biases

The Interplay: Weaving Objective Awareness and Emotional Regulation Together

Following the path laid out by objective awareness and emotional regulation, a coach arrives at the heart of coaching’s transformative power—the delicate dance between seeing clearly and navigating emotions. This interplay is where the coaching presence fully blossoms.

So, as we draw this reflection to a close, it becomes clear that the essence of coaching lies in the continuous cultivation of emotional regulation and objective awareness. These fundamental qualities are not just the bedrock of coaching presence; they are indispensable in fostering an environment where trust and clear insight flourish.

Engaging clients with curiosity and consistently reflecting on our practices equips us to adeptly handle the complexities of human emotions and viewpoints. This ensures that our interactions are characterized by empathy, integrity, and profound respect for each client’s distinct journey.

You can connect with Seema Sonkiya Click Here