Forgotten Report Card

I opened a long-neglected box during my last spring- cleaning endeavour and unearthed my teenage daughter’s kindergarten report card from nearly a decade ago, a snapshot of sorts of her younger self. One section detailed her grades, while another contained statements on her performance in various subjects. I couldn’t help but notice phrases like “X has been introduced to the Hindi alphabet but does not remember any of the letters” and “X is attentive in class but finds it difficult to use the multiplication tables.” Reflecting on how we once accepted these assessments as gospel truths about her abilities at that time and even as a foreboding for her future self, I was quite amused to note that the same child now speaks three languages and is able to do three-digit multiplication in her head. Clearly there was something wrong with that report card and with our entire approach to learning.

Today, in schools across most countries, children are presented information with the expectation that it should be memorized and produced in a particular format within a short period of time. Failure to meet this standard is often interpreted as a personal deficiency implying an unchanging state of mind/intelligence/capability in the foreseeable future.  Upon closer examination, I realized that this mindset extends beyond the classroom, to the external world and also to our own self-perceptions.

Recalling my own journey in becoming a proficient coach, I realized the parallels between my daughter’s kindergarten report cards and my own internal assessments of my Self; “You were present in the conversation, but you are really bad at contracting” or “You have learned about breathing and somatic work, but you are completely unable to use this to support your client” echoed in my mind. It dawned on me that I, too, had unwittingly internalized the notion that mistakes were indicative of inadequacies, rather than a picture of a state of being that is complete and beautiful despite the fact that I often talked about having a Growth oriented mindset!

In that moment of reflection, a vision emerged—a world where no such thing as mistakes existed! A world where standardized milestones held no sway, and where each and every moment existed independently in time, without the limited idea of ‘perfection’, and was whole in and of itself. And with this vision came a profound sense of acceptance—a space in my heart where the present could unfold, unhindered by fear or judgment. As I observed my teenage daughter slam her door and spill the soup while serving herself both for the millionth times and witnessed my own familiar patterns repeating themselves in coaching sessions and outside, I found great beauty in those previously labelled ‘imperfect’ moments. With a gentle smile, I went about coaching, parenting and living my life embracing each moment as it unfolded with grace and possibility.

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