Blog by Sameer Kaiwar<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When I began learning professional coaching, I assumed the challenge would be acquiring new skills.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u00b7 Learning to ask better questions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u00b7 Understanding the coaching process.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u00b7 Remembering what to do and when.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
That certainly mattered. What I didn’t see coming was something else altogether.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Coaching wasn’t just asking me to learn. It was asking me to unlearn.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n Habits that had helped me through years of leadership suddenly needed to be examined. Some even needed to be left behind.<\/p>\n\n\n\n That surprised me. Here are a few things I didn’t expect to learn.<\/p>\n\n\n\n LISTENING IS HARDER THAN IT LOOKS<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n I’ve always thought of myself as a good listener.<\/p>\n\n\n\n After all, I didn’t interrupt people. I paid attention. I remembered what they said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Coaching showed me that wasn’t enough.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Real listening isn’t simply waiting while someone else speaks. It’s quietening the voice in your own head. The one that’s already analysing, judging, connecting dots or preparing the next question.<\/p>\n\n\n\n That voice is busy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Learning to quieten it has probably been one of the hardest parts of becoming a coach. I’m still working on it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n SILENCE ISN’T EMPTY<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Silence used to make me uncomfortable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n A few seconds would pass and I’d feel an urge to ask another question or say something encouraging.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Now I’ve begun to see silence differently.<\/p>\n\n\n\n People don’t always think at the same speed they speak. Sometimes they’re making sense of something for the very first time. If I rush in, I interrupt that process.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I’ve realised that some of the most important work in coaching happens when nobody is talking.<\/p>\n\n\n\n EXPERIENCE CAN GET IN THE WAY<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n For years I believed experience was one of my biggest strengths.<\/p>\n\n\n\n In many situations, it still is.<\/p>\n\n\n\n But coaching has taught me that experience comes with a hidden risk.<\/p>\n\n\n\n It whispers, I’ve seen this before.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n And once that thought appears, it’s very easy to start predicting, advising or nudging the conversation in a direction that makes sense to us.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The client doesn’t need my answers. The client needs room to discover their own.<\/p>\n\n\n\n That shift sounds simple. It isn’t.<\/p>\n\n\n\n PRESENCE BEATS PERFECT QUESTIONS<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Like many new coaches, I collected good coaching questions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Some were beautifully worded.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I don’t think clients remembered any of them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n What they seem to remember is something much simpler.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u00b7 That someone was fully present.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u00b7 Someone listened without hurrying them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u00b7 Someone stayed curious.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I’ve slowly come to believe that presence is more powerful than cleverness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n EVERY CONVERSATION TEACHES THE COACH<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n I expected clients to learn something about themselves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I didn’t expect to learn so much about myself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Every conversation shows me another assumption I was carrying.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Another moment where I nearly jumped in too early.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Another reminder that coaching is less about doing and more about being.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The more I learn about coaching, the less certain I become that I’ve figured it out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Oddly enough, I find that reassuring.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Perhaps that’s what keeps the work alive.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Professional coaching is often described as helping others discover their own answers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n For me, it has become something more: It’s a gentle reminder that the coach is also a learner. Maybe always will be. Blog by Sameer Kaiwar When I began learning professional coaching, I assumed the challenge would be acquiring new skills. \u00b7 Learning to ask better questions. \u00b7 Understanding the coaching process. 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